Backmasked Jingle Bells
Listen Carefully.. Amazing!
(bawal ang may sakit sa puso)
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Showing posts with label kataw-anan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kataw-anan. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Ricky Hatton! Tekniks for the PACMAN! (Bisaya)
hahaha! naa pa isa.. mamatay pud mo ug katawa ani :D nyahahaha! :D
Ricky Hatton! A Month before the Fight with PACMAN. Duha ka Rounds! (Bisaya)
sa maka sabot lang.. karon lang nako ni nakita.. late napud sa balita.. hahaha! payts na duha ka rounds! :p na tunong jud :D
Thursday, February 12, 2009
7 Reasons not to Mess with Children
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him.'
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? 'Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor. A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
-----
Originally Posted by nanomir at Pinoy Underground
Read More
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? 'Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor. A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
-----
Originally Posted by nanomir at Pinoy Underground
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Eto Cool
pICk uR biRTH moNtH
Jan - siNapAk kO
Feb - diNiLaAn Ko
Mar - hiNuBaRan Ko
Apr - nabuNtis Ko
May - giNaWa kOng aLiLa
Jun - siNuKaHan Ko
Jul - nAkipAg-iNuMan
Aug - nKiPag-RambuLan
Sep - KiNagAt Ko
Oct - piNaLo kO ng tUBo
Nov - piNagtAtaGa kO
Dec - hiNuLog kO sA kAnaL
seCond, add yOur biRth dAy:
1 - si GloRia
2 - si ERap
3 - si aNgeL LocSin
4 - si tEd FaiLoN
5 - si GriNgo HoNasSan
6 - si dOrAeMon
7 - si jOLibEe
8 - si RoNaLd Mc dOnaLd
9 - si jOse pidaL
10 - si bOy AbuNda
11 - si aLbert Einstein
12 - si jOse riZaL
13 - si kRis aQuiNo
14 - si doRiNa piNeda
15 - si cOry AquiNo
16 - si mAhaL
17 - si bOn jOvi
18 - si bAmbOo
19 - si caSsandRa Ponti
20 - si sAm miLby
21 - si nidA bLaNca
22 - si miCo sOtto
23 - si hArry poTter
24 - si haLe bErry
25 - si emiLio AguinALdo
26 - si cOokie mOnster
27 - si sUper iNggo
28 - si dArNa
29 - si mArcos
30 - si beA aLonZo
31 - si sAnta cLauS
aNd thiRd, pick tHe LAST Letter fRom
yOur nAme:
A - kAsi mAhaba Ang buHok ni sadaKo
B - kAsi mAhaL nA aNg tuiTion
C - kAsi aNg gAnDa kO
D - kAsi mAbaho aNg hiningA ko
E - kAsi waLa aKong uNderwer
F - kAsi Asin Lng Ang uLam nMin kAnina
G - kAsi mALaki ang b0obs ni dArNa
H - kAsi pAtay Ung kUko kO
I - kAsi mAy aSawa nA ako
J - kAsi sUkob uNg kAsaL kO
K - kAsi waLaNg yeLo sA tiNdaHan
L - kAsi maLambing Ang Nanay kO
M - kAsi bAbaeRo aNg tAtay kO
N - kAsi tWo-tiMer aKo
O - kAsi aYoKo nAng mAg-aRaL
P - kAsi mAy pUtoK siYa
Q - kAsi nag 1-2-3 aKo sA jEep
R - kAsi wALa aKong bUhok Sa kiLi-kiLi
S - kAsi piLay aNg Aso nMin
T - kAsi Vlrgin pA ako
U - kAsi nALunod Ako sA batya
V - kAsi puMutOk uNg Lobo NuNg bAta
W - kAsi mAy bAktoL siYa
X - kAsi mAtiGas uNg pandeSaL
Y - kAsi pAngit siYa
Z - kAsi wAlAnG cOndoM sa walLeT kO
Eto yung sa'ken :D
siNapAk kO si cOokie mOnster kAsi mALaki ang b0obs ni dArNa
Don't hesitate to post a comment with your result :D
-----
Originally Posted by aboynamedmhark at Pinoy Underground Laugh Lounge
Read More
Jan - siNapAk kO
Feb - diNiLaAn Ko
Mar - hiNuBaRan Ko
Apr - nabuNtis Ko
May - giNaWa kOng aLiLa
Jun - siNuKaHan Ko
Jul - nAkipAg-iNuMan
Aug - nKiPag-RambuLan
Sep - KiNagAt Ko
Oct - piNaLo kO ng tUBo
Nov - piNagtAtaGa kO
Dec - hiNuLog kO sA kAnaL
seCond, add yOur biRth dAy:
1 - si GloRia
2 - si ERap
3 - si aNgeL LocSin
4 - si tEd FaiLoN
5 - si GriNgo HoNasSan
6 - si dOrAeMon
7 - si jOLibEe
8 - si RoNaLd Mc dOnaLd
9 - si jOse pidaL
10 - si bOy AbuNda
11 - si aLbert Einstein
12 - si jOse riZaL
13 - si kRis aQuiNo
14 - si doRiNa piNeda
15 - si cOry AquiNo
16 - si mAhaL
17 - si bOn jOvi
18 - si bAmbOo
19 - si caSsandRa Ponti
20 - si sAm miLby
21 - si nidA bLaNca
22 - si miCo sOtto
23 - si hArry poTter
24 - si haLe bErry
25 - si emiLio AguinALdo
26 - si cOokie mOnster
27 - si sUper iNggo
28 - si dArNa
29 - si mArcos
30 - si beA aLonZo
31 - si sAnta cLauS
aNd thiRd, pick tHe LAST Letter fRom
yOur nAme:
A - kAsi mAhaba Ang buHok ni sadaKo
B - kAsi mAhaL nA aNg tuiTion
C - kAsi aNg gAnDa kO
D - kAsi mAbaho aNg hiningA ko
E - kAsi waLa aKong uNderwer
F - kAsi Asin Lng Ang uLam nMin kAnina
G - kAsi mALaki ang b0obs ni dArNa
H - kAsi pAtay Ung kUko kO
I - kAsi mAy aSawa nA ako
J - kAsi sUkob uNg kAsaL kO
K - kAsi waLaNg yeLo sA tiNdaHan
L - kAsi maLambing Ang Nanay kO
M - kAsi bAbaeRo aNg tAtay kO
N - kAsi tWo-tiMer aKo
O - kAsi aYoKo nAng mAg-aRaL
P - kAsi mAy pUtoK siYa
Q - kAsi nag 1-2-3 aKo sA jEep
R - kAsi wALa aKong bUhok Sa kiLi-kiLi
S - kAsi piLay aNg Aso nMin
T - kAsi Vlrgin pA ako
U - kAsi nALunod Ako sA batya
V - kAsi puMutOk uNg Lobo NuNg bAta
W - kAsi mAy bAktoL siYa
X - kAsi mAtiGas uNg pandeSaL
Y - kAsi pAngit siYa
Z - kAsi wAlAnG cOndoM sa walLeT kO
Eto yung sa'ken :D
siNapAk kO si cOokie mOnster kAsi mALaki ang b0obs ni dArNa
Don't hesitate to post a comment with your result :D
-----
Originally Posted by aboynamedmhark at Pinoy Underground Laugh Lounge
French v.s. Pinoy
A Pinoy is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum sits down next to him. The Pinoy ignores the Frenchman, who nevertheless starts a conversation.
Frenchman: "You Filipinos eat the whole bread?"
Pinoy (in a bad mood): "Of course!"
Frenchman (after blowing a huge bubble):
"We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect
in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell
them to the Philippines."
(The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence)
The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread?"
Pinoy: "Of Course."
Frenchman (crackling his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling):
"We don't. In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all
the peels, seeds and leftovers in container, recycle them, transform
them into jam and sell the jam to the Philippines."
(After a moment of silence and feeling irritated already, the Pinoy asked ...)
Pinoy: "Do you have sex in France?"
Frenchman: "Why, of course we do!", he says with a big smirk.
Pinoy: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."
Pinoy: "We don't! In my dear homeland, we put them in a container, recycle them,
melt them down into bubble gum and sell them to France!"
-----
Originally Posted by JhOgsZ na maganda :D at Pinoy Underground Laugh Lounge
Read More
Frenchman: "You Filipinos eat the whole bread?"
Pinoy (in a bad mood): "Of course!"
Frenchman (after blowing a huge bubble):
"We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect
in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell
them to the Philippines."
(The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence)
The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread?"
Pinoy: "Of Course."
Frenchman (crackling his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling):
"We don't. In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all
the peels, seeds and leftovers in container, recycle them, transform
them into jam and sell the jam to the Philippines."
(After a moment of silence and feeling irritated already, the Pinoy asked ...)
Pinoy: "Do you have sex in France?"
Frenchman: "Why, of course we do!", he says with a big smirk.
Pinoy: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."
Pinoy: "We don't! In my dear homeland, we put them in a container, recycle them,
melt them down into bubble gum and sell them to France!"
-----
Originally Posted by JhOgsZ na maganda :D at Pinoy Underground Laugh Lounge
Pano kung ganito anak mo?
Dear Anak,
Naipadala ko na 50 thousand pesos na tuition fee mo, panagbili na namin
ang mga kalabaw natin. Ang mahal pala ng kursong COUNTER STRIKE, wala na din
pala tayong baboy naibenta na din para dun sa sinasabi mo na project nyo na
NOKIA N75, ang mahal naman ng project nayun. kasama din ang 7 thousand
dun para sa field trip nyo sa MALL OF ASIA, anak malayo ba yun mag ingat ka
sa pagbibiyahe mo, isasanla palan namin ang palayan natin para mabili mo
nag yung instrumentong I-POD na kinakailangan mo sa laboratory nyo. Anak
komportavle kaba jan sa boarding house mo sa ba kamu yan sa VICTORIA
COURT - maganda ba dyan di ba mainit jan. Anak kamusta na pala yung group
project nyo na SANMIG LIGHT napailaw nyo na ba? mataas ba nakuha nyo na grado dun.
Anak sana bago pa maubos ang lahat lahat ng arian natin ay maka gradweyt
kana, walong taon ba talaga ang kurso mo sa SECRETARIAL, sana pag graweyt
mo makakuha ka ng trabaho kaagad kagaya ng manager ng kumpanya para mabawi
natin ang mga ari arian nating sa sanglaan. ay cya nga pala anak diba sabi mo sa
JOLLIBEE / MAK DONALD ka palagi kumakain ok ba naman sayo ang mga ulam dyan
baka hindi masarap kawawa ka naman.Eh yung school bus nyo na TAXI sabihin mo sa
driver mag ingat cya sa pag dri-drive.
Anak hanggang dito nalan at sa susunod ay ipapadala ko sayo ang pera na
pambili mo ng ALTIS na gagamitin mo sa VACANT SUBJECT mo.
Ang nagmamahal,
Itang at Inang
-----
Originally Posted by zildjian at Pinoy Underground Laugh Lounge
Read More
Naipadala ko na 50 thousand pesos na tuition fee mo, panagbili na namin
ang mga kalabaw natin. Ang mahal pala ng kursong COUNTER STRIKE, wala na din
pala tayong baboy naibenta na din para dun sa sinasabi mo na project nyo na
NOKIA N75, ang mahal naman ng project nayun. kasama din ang 7 thousand
dun para sa field trip nyo sa MALL OF ASIA, anak malayo ba yun mag ingat ka
sa pagbibiyahe mo, isasanla palan namin ang palayan natin para mabili mo
nag yung instrumentong I-POD na kinakailangan mo sa laboratory nyo. Anak
komportavle kaba jan sa boarding house mo sa ba kamu yan sa VICTORIA
COURT - maganda ba dyan di ba mainit jan. Anak kamusta na pala yung group
project nyo na SANMIG LIGHT napailaw nyo na ba? mataas ba nakuha nyo na grado dun.
Anak sana bago pa maubos ang lahat lahat ng arian natin ay maka gradweyt
kana, walong taon ba talaga ang kurso mo sa SECRETARIAL, sana pag graweyt
mo makakuha ka ng trabaho kaagad kagaya ng manager ng kumpanya para mabawi
natin ang mga ari arian nating sa sanglaan. ay cya nga pala anak diba sabi mo sa
JOLLIBEE / MAK DONALD ka palagi kumakain ok ba naman sayo ang mga ulam dyan
baka hindi masarap kawawa ka naman.Eh yung school bus nyo na TAXI sabihin mo sa
driver mag ingat cya sa pag dri-drive.
Anak hanggang dito nalan at sa susunod ay ipapadala ko sayo ang pera na
pambili mo ng ALTIS na gagamitin mo sa VACANT SUBJECT mo.
Ang nagmamahal,
Itang at Inang
-----
Originally Posted by zildjian at Pinoy Underground Laugh Lounge
What's Your New Name (Pangtanggal ng Stress)
Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need somesilliness to break up the day. Here is your dose..
Follow the instructions to find your new name. The following in an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey: The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...
Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New First Name:
a = poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gidget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = boobie
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tootie
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa
Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your New Last Name:
a = apple
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = burger
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = bubble
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker
Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your New Last Name:
a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice
Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.
And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day,
adults laugh an average of 4 times a day.
Put more laughter in your life!!!
Don't hesitate to put a comment & enter in your New Name! :D ito akin
"Gidget Bubblehead" nyahahaha!
-----
Originally Posted by genshi at Pinoy Underground Laugh Lounge
Read More
Follow the instructions to find your new name. The following in an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey: The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...
Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New First Name:
a = poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gidget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = boobie
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tootie
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa
Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your New Last Name:
a = apple
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = burger
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = bubble
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker
Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your New Last Name:
a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice
Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.
And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day,
adults laugh an average of 4 times a day.
Put more laughter in your life!!!
Don't hesitate to put a comment & enter in your New Name! :D ito akin
"Gidget Bubblehead" nyahahaha!
-----
Originally Posted by genshi at Pinoy Underground Laugh Lounge
Libre Tawa
Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ako ng P250,000 monthly gaya ng daddy ko!
Jody: Wow! Ganyang kalaki ang kita ng daddy mo monthly??
Toto: Hindi!! Yan din ang PANGARAP niya!!!
*****
Nagtatalik ang mag-asawa…
MISTER: Bakit maluwag na ‘to?!
MISIS: Taranta**! D’yan ko minsan kinukuha ‘yung pambayad sa kuryente, tubig, matrikula, pati na sigarilyo mo!
*****
Couple Talking:
Wife: Hon...Paki fix naman ilaw natin sa labas.
Husband: Hellooo...Electrici an ba ako???
Wife: Eh di paki gawa na lang hagdan natin.
Husband: Hellooo...Karpinter o ba ako???
Umalis si Husband...Pagbalik gawa na lahat
ng sira sa bahay. Tinanong nya si Wife kung
sino gumawa ng trabaho.
Wife: Kasi kanina...A man saw me
crying...sabi ko dami sira dito sa bahay,
so he offered to help in exchange of
either sex or bake ako ng cake.
Husband: So...pinag bake mo siya ng cake???
Wife: Helloooo...Baker ba ako???
*****
Sa motel…
BOYFRIEND: Is this your first time?
GIRLFRIEND: (nagalit) Oo naman, ‘no?! Kayo talagang mga lalaki, ang kukulit! Pare-pareho ng tanong! Paulit-ulit! Hmph!
****
Babae: Walang hiya kang lalake ka! Ginabi ka na naman! Lasing ka pa! Ang kapal ng mukha mo! ayop ka talaga!
Lalaki: Tumahimik ka nga Inday! Katulong ka lang dito
*****
(nakatakas si erap,FVR at GMA sa mga terorista at nagtago sa mga sako sa farm!)
Terorista 1:ano na nakita mo jan?!
Terorista 2:mga sako lang!Tignan ko mga laman!
(sinipa ng terorista ang sako)
"meow" sabi ni GMA!
Terorista 2:PUSA!
(sinipa ang isa pang sako)
"aw aw" sabi ni FVR!
terorista 2:ASO!
(sinipa ang isa pang sako ngunit walang tunog kaya sinipa nya ito ng sinipa,(nasasaktan na si erap kya sabi nito)
"PATATAS ako kaya wala kong sound!
mga anga!
*****
Misis : Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy, maganda, hindi selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?
Mister: Guni-guni!
*****
things you don’t want to hear during your own surgery:
-san yung gunting na bago? Bat may kalawang to?
-10ml? may nakasurvive na ba dyan? Sabi ko 5ml lang!
-doc, ubos na po pala yung anesthesia.
-kanina pa bukas yung tiyan, asan yung pantahi?
-sunog! Sunog! Labas lahat!
*****
RIZAL: Alam mo, Maria Clara, ikaw talaga ang pinakamahinhin babae na
nakilala ko
MA. CLARA: (! Ngiti, sabay takip ng abaniko sa mukha) Bolero! Hilahin ko titi
mo dyan eh..
*****
Mag-asawa having sex...
HUSBAND: Honey, mag dirty talk ka naman para ganahan
ako!
WIFE: Ahhh...Shit! Basuraaa... Kanal... Taeee...
Oooh... Patay na dagaaaa!
-----
Originally Posted by loganshadow at Pinoy Underground Laugh Lounge
Read More
Jody: Wow! Ganyang kalaki ang kita ng daddy mo monthly??
Toto: Hindi!! Yan din ang PANGARAP niya!!!
*****
Nagtatalik ang mag-asawa…
MISTER: Bakit maluwag na ‘to?!
MISIS: Taranta**! D’yan ko minsan kinukuha ‘yung pambayad sa kuryente, tubig, matrikula, pati na sigarilyo mo!
*****
Couple Talking:
Wife: Hon...Paki fix naman ilaw natin sa labas.
Husband: Hellooo...Electrici an ba ako???
Wife: Eh di paki gawa na lang hagdan natin.
Husband: Hellooo...Karpinter o ba ako???
Umalis si Husband...Pagbalik gawa na lahat
ng sira sa bahay. Tinanong nya si Wife kung
sino gumawa ng trabaho.
Wife: Kasi kanina...A man saw me
crying...sabi ko dami sira dito sa bahay,
so he offered to help in exchange of
either sex or bake ako ng cake.
Husband: So...pinag bake mo siya ng cake???
Wife: Helloooo...Baker ba ako???
*****
Sa motel…
BOYFRIEND: Is this your first time?
GIRLFRIEND: (nagalit) Oo naman, ‘no?! Kayo talagang mga lalaki, ang kukulit! Pare-pareho ng tanong! Paulit-ulit! Hmph!
****
Babae: Walang hiya kang lalake ka! Ginabi ka na naman! Lasing ka pa! Ang kapal ng mukha mo! ayop ka talaga!
Lalaki: Tumahimik ka nga Inday! Katulong ka lang dito
*****
(nakatakas si erap,FVR at GMA sa mga terorista at nagtago sa mga sako sa farm!)
Terorista 1:ano na nakita mo jan?!
Terorista 2:mga sako lang!Tignan ko mga laman!
(sinipa ng terorista ang sako)
"meow" sabi ni GMA!
Terorista 2:PUSA!
(sinipa ang isa pang sako)
"aw aw" sabi ni FVR!
terorista 2:ASO!
(sinipa ang isa pang sako ngunit walang tunog kaya sinipa nya ito ng sinipa,(nasasaktan na si erap kya sabi nito)
"PATATAS ako kaya wala kong sound!
mga anga!
*****
Misis : Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy, maganda, hindi selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?
Mister: Guni-guni!
*****
things you don’t want to hear during your own surgery:
-san yung gunting na bago? Bat may kalawang to?
-10ml? may nakasurvive na ba dyan? Sabi ko 5ml lang!
-doc, ubos na po pala yung anesthesia.
-kanina pa bukas yung tiyan, asan yung pantahi?
-sunog! Sunog! Labas lahat!
*****
RIZAL: Alam mo, Maria Clara, ikaw talaga ang pinakamahinhin babae na
nakilala ko
MA. CLARA: (! Ngiti, sabay takip ng abaniko sa mukha) Bolero! Hilahin ko titi
mo dyan eh..
*****
Mag-asawa having sex...
HUSBAND: Honey, mag dirty talk ka naman para ganahan
ako!
WIFE: Ahhh...Shit! Basuraaa... Kanal... Taeee...
Oooh... Patay na dagaaaa!
-----
Originally Posted by loganshadow at Pinoy Underground Laugh Lounge
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Know your Name in Russian
If you don't know your Russian Name yet. Better go to this link.
Know Your Name in Russian
------
Originally Posted by Da_Ripper at Pinoy Underground > Laugh Lounge > Funny Jokes/Stories
Read More
Know Your Name in Russian
------
Originally Posted by Da_Ripper at Pinoy Underground > Laugh Lounge > Funny Jokes/Stories
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Mga Bagong Salawikaing Pilipino
* Ang buhay ay parang bato, it"s hard.
* Better late than pregnant.
* Behind the clouds are the other clouds.
* It"s better to cheat than to repeat!
* Do unto others ... then run!!!
* Kapag puno na ang salop, kumuha na ng ibang salop.
* Magbiro ka na sa lasing, magbiro ka na sa
bagong gising, huwag lang sa lasing na bagong gising.
* When all else fails, follow instructions.
* Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling
wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa.
* To err is human, to errs is humans.
* Ang taong nagigipit ... sa bumbay kumakapit
* Pag may usok ... may nag-iihaw
* Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin ... may utang.
* No guts, no glory... no ID, no entry.
* Birds of the same feather that prays
together ... stays together.
* Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot.
* Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao.
* Ang taong di marunong lumingon sa kanyang
pinanggalingan .... ay may stiff neck.
* Birds of the same feather make a good feather duster.
* Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga. Kapag may taga, may tahi.
* Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin.
* Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment
* Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin.
* Better late than later.
* Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay
kubo, sa paligid puno ng linga.
* Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na!
* No man is an island because time is gold.
* Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto ... muta lang yan.
* Kapag ang puno mabunga ... mataba ang lupa!
* When it rains ... it floods.
* Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon ... mauubusan din ng kandila.
* Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw,
minsan nasa vulcanizing shop.
* Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan ... sapul.
* Try and try until you succeed... or else try another.
* Ako ang nagsaing ... iba ang kumain. Diet ako eh.
* Huwag magbilang ng manok kung alaga mo ay itik.
* Kapag maiksi na ang kumot, bumili ka na ng bago.
* If you can"t beat them, shoot them. (Nalundasan)
* An apple a day is too expensive.
* An apple a day makes seven apples a week. (really expensive)
* Aanhin pa ang damo kung ang garden mo"y sementado
* Aanhin pa ang damo kung bato na ang uso
-----
Originally Posted at: Dyaryoboy
Read More
* Better late than pregnant.
* Behind the clouds are the other clouds.
* It"s better to cheat than to repeat!
* Do unto others ... then run!!!
* Kapag puno na ang salop, kumuha na ng ibang salop.
* Magbiro ka na sa lasing, magbiro ka na sa
bagong gising, huwag lang sa lasing na bagong gising.
* When all else fails, follow instructions.
* Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling
wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa.
* To err is human, to errs is humans.
* Ang taong nagigipit ... sa bumbay kumakapit
* Pag may usok ... may nag-iihaw
* Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin ... may utang.
* No guts, no glory... no ID, no entry.
* Birds of the same feather that prays
together ... stays together.
* Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot.
* Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao.
* Ang taong di marunong lumingon sa kanyang
pinanggalingan .... ay may stiff neck.
* Birds of the same feather make a good feather duster.
* Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga. Kapag may taga, may tahi.
* Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin.
* Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment
* Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin.
* Better late than later.
* Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay
kubo, sa paligid puno ng linga.
* Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na!
* No man is an island because time is gold.
* Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto ... muta lang yan.
* Kapag ang puno mabunga ... mataba ang lupa!
* When it rains ... it floods.
* Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon ... mauubusan din ng kandila.
* Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw,
minsan nasa vulcanizing shop.
* Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan ... sapul.
* Try and try until you succeed... or else try another.
* Ako ang nagsaing ... iba ang kumain. Diet ako eh.
* Huwag magbilang ng manok kung alaga mo ay itik.
* Kapag maiksi na ang kumot, bumili ka na ng bago.
* If you can"t beat them, shoot them. (Nalundasan)
* An apple a day is too expensive.
* An apple a day makes seven apples a week. (really expensive)
* Aanhin pa ang damo kung ang garden mo"y sementado
* Aanhin pa ang damo kung bato na ang uso
-----
Originally Posted at: Dyaryoboy
Kids are Quick
____________________________________
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glynn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLYNN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLYNN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glynn, why do you always get so dirty?
GLYNN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
-----
Originally posted by antisocialnoob at Pinoy Underground Laugh Lounge
Read More
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glynn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLYNN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLYNN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glynn, why do you always get so dirty?
GLYNN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
-----
Originally posted by antisocialnoob at Pinoy Underground Laugh Lounge
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Ded Shit
isa lang masasabi ko.. oye! nyahahaha!
-----
Originally Posted by curr at Pinoy Underground Laugh Lounge
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
HaringBuang - Paksiw Irong Buang Ep. 8
bahala'g saging basta labing:D ni-a na ang ep. 8 :D
The End.
HaringBuang - Paksiw Irong Buang Ep. 6
ani-a na ang ep.6 lingkod. lingkod kay tanang butang gikan sa china :D
HaringBuang - Paksiw Irong Buang Ep. 5
anak sa liking kawayan :D dagang guwang! :D ep. 5 na. lingkod.. lingkod.. :D
HaringBuang - Paksiw Irong Buang Ep. 4
haha! butangi lang na ug eskinol :D ep. 4 na.. lingkod, lingkod :D
HaringBuang - Paksiw Irong Buang Ep. 3
power dampa, super sagpa! hahaha! ayus ayus.. ni-a ang ep. 3, lingkod.. lingkod..
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